36 Questions Framework
Falling in love through questioning
The 36 Questions Framework is a method for fostering deep connection and intimacy with a partner through a series of increasingly personal and emotional questions. The framework is divided into three sets of questions, each designed to progress from ordinary to deeper and more emotionally charged topics. By asking and answering these questions, individuals can establish a narrative and synchronize their heart rates, leading to increased feelings of attachment and love.
- Deepening connection and intimacy requires vulnerability and openness
- Synchronizing heart rates and autonomic nervous systems can foster feelings of attachment and love
- Progressing from ordinary to deeper and more emotionally charged topics can help individuals build a personal narrative and connection
- Set 1: Ordinary QuestionsAsk and answer questions about life experience and self-report, such as 'What would constitute a perfect day for you?' or 'For what in your life do you feel most grateful?'Pro tipStart with questions that are easy to answer and gradually increase the depth and emotional chargeWarningAvoid asking questions that are too personal or intrusive, especially in the early stages
- Set 2: Deeper QuestionsAsk and answer questions that drill deeper into personal experience and emotional systems, such as 'What is your most treasured memory?' or 'What is your most terrible memory?'Pro tipListen actively and empathetically to your partner's responsesWarningBe aware of your partner's boundaries and avoid pushing them to disclose more than they are comfortable sharing
- Set 3: Emotional QuestionsAsk and answer questions that are even more personal and emotionally charged, such as 'What is a very embarrassing moment in your life?' or 'When did you last cry in front of another person?'Pro tipBe patient and understanding, and allow your partner to share their emotions and vulnerabilitiesWarningAvoid judgment or criticism, and focus on creating a safe and supportive environment
A couple uses the 36 Questions Framework during a weekend retreat, leading to a deeper understanding and connection with each other
Two individuals use the 36 Questions Framework on their first date, leading to a strong connection and desire to see each other again
The framework was first introduced in a 2015 New York Times article, which described the 36 questions as a way to fall in love. The article was based on psychological studies and clinical work, as well as pop psychology and non-academic research.