INFLUENCEMonths to result

Friendship Selection Framework

Choose friends who provide benefits

Problem it solves

lack of influence

Best for

Individuals seeking to strengthen their social connections

Not ideal for

Those who struggle with social anxiety or have difficulty forming relationships

Overview

Why this framework exists

The Friendship Selection Framework, proposed by Tooby and Cosmides (1996), suggests that individuals should select friends who provide benefits, such as positive externalities, shared values, and irreplaceability. This framework is based on the idea that people are more likely to form and maintain friendships with those who provide benefits that are not readily available from others.

Core principles

3 total
  1. Select friends who provide positive externalities.
  2. Choose friends who share your values and provide benefits that are not readily available from others.
  3. Prioritize friends who consider you irreplaceable.

Steps

3 steps
  1. Evaluate potential friends
    Assess the benefits that potential friends can provide, such as positive externalities, shared values, and irreplaceability.
    Pro tipConsider seeking feedback from others to gain a more objective perspective.
    WarningBe cautious not to prioritize short-term benefits over long-term relationships.
  2. Prioritize friends who provide benefits
    Focus on forming and maintaining relationships with friends who provide benefits that are not readily available from others.
    Pro tipInvest time and effort into nurturing these relationships.
    WarningBe mindful of the opportunity cost of investing time and resources into relationships.
  3. Monitor and adjust friendships
    Regularly evaluate the benefits and costs of your friendships and adjust your relationships accordingly.
    Pro tipBe willing to terminate relationships that are no longer beneficial or that have become toxic.
    WarningBe cautious not to overemphasize the benefits of friendships, as this can lead to an overinvestment of time and resources.

Checklist

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Examples

2 cases
A business partnership

A business partnership may form between two individuals who provide complementary skills and expertise, leading to a mutually beneficial relationship.

OutcomeThe partnership becomes a successful and sustainable business venture, with both parties providing benefits to each other.
A romantic relationship

A romantic relationship may form between two individuals who share values and provide benefits to each other, such as emotional support and companionship.

OutcomeThe relationship becomes a long-term and fulfilling partnership, with both parties providing benefits to each other.

Common mistakes

3 traps
Prioritizing short-term benefits
Prioritizing short-term benefits over long-term relationships can lead to an overinvestment of time and resources into friendships that may not be sustainable.
Failing to monitor and adjust friendships
Failing to regularly evaluate the benefits and costs of your friendships can lead to an overinvestment of time and resources into relationships that are no longer beneficial.
Not prioritizing friends who provide benefits
Not prioritizing friends who provide benefits can lead to a lack of positive externalities, shared values, and irreplaceability in your relationships.

Origin story

How this framework came to be

The concept of friendship selection is rooted in evolutionary psychology, where individuals who are able to form and maintain relationships with others who provide benefits are more likely to increase their fitness and well-being.

Source

Traced to primary
Source · BOOK
Evolutionary Psychology The New Science of the Mind
David M Buss · 2020
Open source →

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