Manson's Law of Avoidance
The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it
Manson presents his own 'law' alongside Parkinson's Law and Murphy's Law: the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, the more you will avoid doing it. This applies equally to positive and negative changes. Making a million dollars can threaten your identity as much as losing all your money. Becoming famous can threaten your identity as much as being publicly humiliated.
This law explains a vast range of otherwise puzzling human behavior. The writer who dreams of publishing but never sends manuscripts. The unhappy spouse who stays in a bad marriage. The talented artist who never launches. In each case, the avoidance is not about the practical difficulty of the action—sending an email, filing paperwork, uploading a portfolio—but about the identity threat the action represents.
The antidote Manson proposes is radical: kill your identity. Not literally, but let go of the fixed stories you tell about who you are. Define yourself in broad, ordinary terms rather than narrow, special ones. The narrower your identity, the more things threaten it. The broader your identity, the more open you become to growth.
- The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.
- People avoid both success and failure for the same reason: both threaten who they believe themselves to be.
- The narrower and rarer the identity you choose, the more everything seems to threaten it.
- Letting go of rigid self-concepts frees you to act, fail, and grow.
- Define yourself in the simplest and most ordinary ways possible.
- Identify your avoidance patternsList the actions you know you should take but consistently avoid. These might be career moves, relationship conversations, creative projects, or lifestyle changes. For each, the practical steps are usually obvious; the emotional resistance is the real barrier.Pro tipPay special attention to things you've been 'planning' to do for months or years. Extended planning without action is a hallmark of identity-threat avoidance.
- Name the identity threatFor each avoided action, ask: what story about myself would this action threaten? The writer avoids submitting because it threatens the story of being a 'talented person with potential.' The spouse avoids leaving because it threatens the story of being a 'good partner.' Name the specific identity at risk.WarningThis step requires brutal honesty. The identity stories we protect are often ones we're not consciously aware of.
- Question whether the protected identity is serving youEvaluate whether the identity you're protecting is actually worth preserving. Is 'talented person with unrealized potential' really better than 'person who tried and learned'? Is 'good partner in a bad marriage' really better than 'honest person who chose growth over comfort'?Pro tipOften the identity we're protecting is actually more painful to maintain than the one we'd gain by taking action. We just don't realize it because the current identity is familiar.
- Broaden your self-definitionRedefine yourself in the broadest possible terms. Instead of 'successful entrepreneur,' be 'someone who works on interesting problems.' Instead of 'talented artist,' be 'someone who creates things.' Instead of 'the party guy,' be 'someone who enjoys connecting with people.' Broader definitions are harder to threaten.Pro tipManson recommends measuring yourself by mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator. These are almost impossible to disprove, which makes them resilient.
- Take the threatening action despite the fearArmed with the understanding of what you're actually afraid of, take the action anyway. The fear won't disappear, but understanding its source robs it of its mystical power. You're not afraid of rejection; you're afraid of what rejection means about your identity. And you've already decided your identity is broader than any single outcome.Pro tipCombine this with the Do Something Principle: take the smallest possible version of the threatening action. Submit one manuscript, not ten. Have one honest conversation, not a relationship overhaul.
Manson's friend spent years talking about launching his art portfolio online. He saved money, built multiple websites, and uploaded his work. But he never actually made the site public. There was always a reason: the resolution wasn't right, he'd just painted something better, the timing was off. The real reason was that being 'An Artist Nobody's Heard Of' was safer than being 'An Artist Nobody Likes.'
Another friend wanted desperately to leave his party lifestyle. He envied friends in stable relationships. Yet he kept going out every night, drinking and chasing superficial connections. Giving up the party lifestyle would have meant abandoning 'The Party Guy' identity—the only one he knew.
Manson observed this pattern repeatedly among friends. One friend talked for years about launching his art online but never did—because the potential of being 'An Artist Nobody Likes' was far scarier than being 'An Artist Nobody's Heard Of.' Another friend wanted to leave the party lifestyle but couldn't—because 'The Party Guy' was all he knew how to be. In both cases, the practical steps were simple; the identity threat was overwhelming.