Solo Audit Practice
Build self-awareness and comfort with solitude through structured alone-time exercises
The Solo Audit Practice is a structured two-phase exercise designed to help you develop comfort with solitude and self-awareness. In Phase 1, you spend one week tracking all time spent alone doing active pastimes like reading, walking, meditating, or creating. You note what you did, whether it bothered you, and why you felt comfortable or uncomfortable. This establishes a baseline of your relationship with alone time. In Phase 2, you deliberately choose one new solo activity each week for a month - activities you have rarely or never done alone such as seeing a movie solo, dining alone without your phone, hiking alone, or attending a party by yourself. During each activity you reflect on your reactions, intrusive thoughts, and what you discover about yourself. The practice helps distinguish between loneliness which is insecure and reactive, and solitude which is open and curious.
- Solitude is not a failure to love but the beginning of love
- The difference between loneliness and solitude is the lens through which you see alone time
- Getting to know your preferences without leaning on someone else priorities builds authentic self-knowledge
- Comfort with solitude prevents fear-driven relationship decisions
- Track Your Baseline Alone TimeFor one full week, record every period you spend alone doing active solo pastimes - reading, walking, meditating, exercising, cooking, creating. Do not count passive screen time or sleeping. Next to each entry write what you did, whether it was comfortable or uncomfortable, and why. Do not go out of your way to be alone during this phase - just observe your existing habits to establish a clear picture of your current relationship with solitude.Pro tipPay special attention to activities that trigger discomfort - these reveal your specific fears about being alone
- Choose One New Solo Activity WeeklyFor the next four weeks, deliberately choose one activity you have rarely or never done alone. Options include seeing a movie solo, making a dinner reservation for one, hiking alone, going to a party by yourself, attending a class, or celebrating a holiday alone. During each activity reflect on how long it takes to feel comfortable, how different it would be with another person, whether you are tempted to distract yourself with your phone, and what you love about the experience.Pro tipIf dining alone feels uncomfortable try bringing a book or having a brief friendly conversation with the waiter to start on the right foot
- Process and Express Your Solo ExperiencesAfter each solo activity, find ways to express your thoughts to yourself rather than needing someone else to validate the experience. Write a journal entry or blog post about a movie you saw alone. Record a voice note about how you felt during a solo hike. Rate and review a restaurant you dined at solo. This practice builds your ability to develop ideas and opinions without the influence of someone else taste while creating a record of your growing self-knowledge.Pro tipRecording voice notes telling yourself how you felt is a powerful way to practice having a conversation with yourself
When Shetty first attended a meditation retreat as a young man, he was appalled to discover he could not bring his MP3 player. Music was his life and he could not imagine existing during breaks without it. But forced into true silence, he discovered he loved being undistracted. He was the most engaged and present he had ever been in his life.
Jay Shetty developed this practice from his three years as a Hindu monk where he spent more time alone than in the rest of his life combined. During a meditation retreat he was appalled to learn he could not bring his MP3 player, but discovered through forced silence that he loved being undistracted and fully present. He adapted these monastic experiences into a practical exercise that anyone can do to develop the self-knowledge and comfort with solitude that the Vedic tradition considers the foundation of love.