The Informal Mentorship Method
Build mentor relationships through small asks, value creation, and the Ben Franklin Effect
Formal mentorship requests are the best way to never get a good mentor because you are essentially asking someone to sign up for an unpaid part-time job. Instead, build informal mentor relationships by making small, easy-to-fulfill requests that leverage the Ben Franklin Effect—when someone does you a small favor, they feel invested in you. Create value for potential mentors by writing about them, asking easy questions, and putting their advice into visible practice.
- A mentor is anyone you learn from who gives advice and teaches—no formal agreement needed
- Asking someone to be your formal mentor is asking them for an unpaid part-time job
- The Ben Franklin Effect: when someone does you a small favor, they feel invested in you and justify it by deciding you must be worth helping
- Ask questions that are helpful to you but very easy for them to answer—a 5-second opinion on a title, not reading a manuscript
- Put their advice into visible practice so they see value in helping you
- Create a reason to connectFind a legitimate excuse to reach out: write about them, review their work, volunteer for events they speak at, or reference their ideas in your own work. This creates a warm introduction rather than a cold ask.Pro tipHoliday used his college newspaper column; Ferriss volunteered for tech nonprofits to meet speakers
- Make small, easy asksAsk questions that are helpful to you but take them 5 seconds to answer. A quick opinion on a title, not reading a manuscript. Think about the effort-to-value ratio from their perspective.Pro tipSpace requests out—once every couple weeks or couple months, not dailyWarningPeople rarely think about what they are actually asking. Reading a manuscript is a week of someone's time; a quick opinion is one email.
- Leverage the Ben Franklin EffectWhen someone does you a small favor, they justify it by telling themselves you must be worth helping. This creates investment. Ask for something small and specific rather than something large and vague.Pro tipBenjamin Franklin borrowed his rival's most prized book, returned it untouched, and turned an enemy into an ally
- Put advice into visible practiceWhen a mentor gives you advice, act on it and let them see the results. Nothing is more rewarding for a teacher than seeing a student apply their lessons. This creates a virtuous cycle of more advice.
- Find a benchmark personAs Seneca advised, find someone you can use as a ruler to compare yourself to. When facing difficult choices, ask: 'What would this person do in this situation?'Pro tipThis works with fictional characters too—both as positive examples and cautionary tales
Holiday wrote a review of Tucker's website in his college newspaper column and emailed it to him. This led to a relationship where Holiday would ask specific questions every few weeks. Tucker eventually introduced him to Robert Greene, who became Holiday's primary mentor for writing and research.
Ferriss volunteered for SVASE, took on increasing responsibility until he was organizing events, and invited Jack Canfield to speak on a panel. Over the years, he asked rare, specific, short questions. Canfield's offhand encouraging comments led directly to the book proposal for The 4-Hour Workweek.
Ryan Holiday built his career through informal mentorships with Tucker Max and Robert Greene. He used his college newspaper column as an excuse to write about people he wanted to meet, emailed them with specific easy questions every few weeks, and created visible value. Tim Ferriss similarly volunteered for tech nonprofits to meet speakers like Jack Canfield, whose offhand encouragement led directly to The 4-Hour Workweek becoming a book.