INFLUENCEMonths to result

The Informed Choice Framework

Know what you're getting into

Problem it solves

lack of influence

Best for

Couples considering a long-term commitment

Not ideal for

Those who are not ready for a serious conversation about their relationship

Overview

Why this framework exists

This framework emphasizes the importance of making an informed choice when committing to a relationship. It involves taking the time to get to know your partner, seeing them in different situations, and having open and honest conversations about your expectations and desires.

Core principles

3 total
  1. Take the time to get to know your partner
  2. See your partner in different situations
  3. Have open and honest conversations about your expectations and desires

Steps

3 steps
  1. Take the time to get to know your partner
    Spend time with your partner in different situations, and take the time to learn about their values, goals, and desires.
    Pro tipAsk open-ended questions to encourage conversation and get to know your partner on a deeper level
    WarningAvoid rushing into a commitment without taking the time to get to know your partner
  2. See your partner in different situations
    Make an effort to see your partner in different situations, such as when they're stressed, happy, or angry. This can help you understand how they handle different emotions and situations.
    Pro tipPay attention to how your partner interacts with others, such as friends and family
    WarningAvoid idealizing your partner or assuming they will always be perfect
  3. Have open and honest conversations
    Have open and honest conversations with your partner about your expectations and desires. Listen to their perspective and be empathetic.
    Pro tipUse 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements to avoid blame and defensiveness
    WarningAvoid avoiding difficult conversations or assuming your partner will always agree with you

Checklist

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Examples

1 cases
A couple taking the time to get to know each other

A couple, Emily and David, take the time to get to know each other before committing to a relationship. They spend time together in different situations, have open and honest conversations, and take the time to learn about each other's values, goals, and desires. As a result, they feel more confident and informed in their decision to commit to each other.

OutcomeTheir relationship is stronger and more resilient as a result of taking the time to get to know each other.

Common mistakes

3 traps
Rushing into a commitment
Rushing into a commitment without taking the time to get to know your partner can lead to potential pitfalls and a higher risk of divorce.
Not seeing your partner in different situations
Not seeing your partner in different situations can lead to idealizing them or assuming they will always be perfect, which can be damaging to the relationship.
Not having open and honest conversations
Not having open and honest conversations with your partner can lead to misunderstandings and resentment in the relationship.

Origin story

How this framework came to be

The framework is based on the idea that making an informed choice is key to a successful relationship. By taking the time to get to know your partner and having open conversations, couples can avoid potential pitfalls and build a stronger foundation for their relationship.

Source

Traced to primary
Source · PODCAST
Contracts of Love & Money That Make or Break Relationships | James Sexton
Andrew Huberman · 2025
Open source →

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