The Jiu-Jitsu Approach to Criticism
Ducking under criticism
The Jiu-Jitsu Approach to Criticism involves 'ducking under' criticism by avoiding defensiveness and instead focusing on understanding the other person's perspective. This approach prioritizes active listening and empathy, and can help to de-escalate conflicts and improve relationships.
- Avoid defensiveness and instead focus on understanding the other person's perspective
- Prioritize active listening and empathy in conflicts
- Seek to understand the underlying concerns and needs of the other person
- Stay Calm and Avoid DefensivenessWhen receiving criticism, take a deep breath and avoid becoming defensive or reactive.Pro tipPractice mindfulness and self-regulation to manage emotionsWarningBe cautious of the tendency to become overly emotional or reactive
- Listen Actively and EmpatheticallyFocus on understanding the other person's perspective and seek to understand their underlying concerns and needs.Pro tipUse open-ended questions to clarify and seek more informationWarningAvoid interrupting or dismissing the other person's perspective
- Seek to Understand and Address Underlying ConcernsWork to understand the underlying concerns and needs of the other person, and seek to address these in a constructive and respectful manner.Pro tipUse 'I' statements to express feelings and avoid blameWarningAvoid becoming overly focused on 'winning' the argument or being 'right'
Sarah and Mike were in conflict over a misunderstanding. Sarah used the Jiu-Jitsu Approach to Criticism, listening actively and empathetically to Mike's perspective and seeking to understand his underlying concerns. The conflict was quickly resolved, and their relationship improved.
Terry Real developed this concept through his work with couples and individuals, recognizing the need for a more effective approach to receiving criticism and feedback.