The Prenup as Communication Tool
Use prenuptial agreements to build transparency and honest communication
Sexton reframes the prenuptial agreement from a pessimistic insurance policy into a positive communication exercise. He argues that if you cannot have an honest conversation about finances, expectations, and worst-case scenarios with the person you are about to marry, that tells you something important about the relationship. The prenup conversation forces couples to discuss topics they would otherwise avoid: financial expectations, career priorities, childcare philosophies, and what happens if things go wrong. These are exactly the conversations that, left unaddressed, fuel the slippage that destroys marriages. The framework treats the prenup not as planning for failure but as the ultimate act of transparency and trust-building between two people making the most significant commitment of their lives.
- If you cannot discuss difficult topics before marriage you will not handle them better during divorce
- Financial transparency before marriage prevents resentment after
- The prenup conversation reveals relationship dynamics and communication patterns
- Having a child with someone is an even more permanent commitment than marriage
- Introduce the Conversation EarlyBring up the prenup conversation early in the engagement rather than weeks before the wedding. Frame it not as distrust but as a desire for complete transparency and honest communication. Sexton suggests introducing it as early as the third date in a casual way to signal that you are someone who values honesty and practical planning alongside romance.Pro tipFrame it as wanting to be the kind of couple who can talk about anything including the hard stuffWarningTiming matters - do not ambush your partner with this conversation during a stressful moment
- Discuss the Underlying TopicsUse the prenup as a catalyst for deeper conversations about financial expectations, career aspirations, childcare philosophy, lifestyle expectations, and how you would handle various scenarios. The legal document is secondary - the real value is in having these conversations openly and discovering where you align and where you need to negotiate.Pro tipA good family lawyer can guide these conversations and ensure both parties feel heardWarningBoth parties should have independent legal representation to ensure fairness
- Build Ongoing Financial TransparencyUse the prenup conversation as the foundation for ongoing financial transparency in your marriage. Establish regular financial check-ins, shared visibility into income and spending, and agreed-upon frameworks for major financial decisions. The habits of transparency established during the prenup process should become permanent features of your partnership.Pro tipCouples who maintain financial transparency throughout marriage have dramatically lower divorce rates related to money conflicts
Sexton advises his clients to casually mention prenuptial agreements as early as the third date - not to present a document, but to signal that you are someone who values transparency and practical planning. This early mention normalizes the conversation and makes it easier to have the detailed discussion later when engagement happens.
Sexton has seen thousands of divorces where couples fight bitterly over money, assets, and custody arrangements they never discussed before marriage. He realized that couples who had prenuptial agreements - regardless of the terms - had been forced to have honest conversations about expectations, fears, and financial realities before saying their vows. These conversations, not the legal document itself, were the real value.