The Relationship Slippage Prevention Model
Small daily neglects compound into divorce faster than any single dramatic betrayal
The Relationship Slippage Prevention Model comes from divorce lawyer James Sexton's observation that the majority of marriages do not end because of dramatic betrayals or sudden crises. They end because of slippage, the gradual, almost imperceptible erosion of connection, attention, and effort that accumulates over months and years until the relationship is hollowed out. Slippage manifests as taking your partner for granted, prioritizing children over the partnership, stopping the small gestures that characterized early courtship, and allowing comfortable routine to replace intentional engagement. Sexton argues that every marriage ends in either death or divorce, and since the stakes are that binary, treating marriage as something that requires constant intentional maintenance rather than passive coasting is essential. The framework specifically warns that couples who become obsessed with their children and stop paying attention to their partner are on a direct path to divorce. The relationship between partners must be the primary relationship because it is the foundation on which everything else, including effective parenting, depends. This is not about neglecting children but about understanding the hierarchy of attention that makes both the partnership and the parenting sustainable long-term.
- Most marriages end from gradual slippage not dramatic betrayals
- Taking your partner for granted is the first sign of terminal decline
- Obsessing over children while neglecting your partner leads directly to divorce
- The partnership must be the primary relationship for everything else to work
- Marriage requires constant intentional maintenance not passive coasting
- Audit Your Current Attention AllocationHonestly assess where your daily attention goes in your relationship. Track for one week how much intentional, undistracted time you spend engaging with your partner versus time spent on work, children, screens, hobbies, and other priorities. Most people are shocked to discover how little genuine partner-focused attention they give. This audit makes the invisible pattern of slippage visible and quantifiable.Pro tipCount minutes of genuine eye contact and focused conversation with your partner daily. For many couples, this number is disturbingly close to zero.
- Restore the Courtship BehaviorsIdentify the specific things you did during courtship that you have stopped doing. The way you dressed when you expected to see them, the curiosity you showed about their day, the physical affection you initiated, the surprises you planned. These behaviors communicated value and desire. Their absence communicates complacency. You do not need to reinvent your relationship but simply resume the behaviors that built it in the first place.WarningIf restoring these behaviors feels performative or forced initially, continue anyway. The feelings follow the actions, not the other way around.
- Prioritize Partnership Over ParenthoodIf you have children, deliberately restructure your priorities so that your partnership receives attention before and alongside your parenting. This means regular date nights that are not cancelled for children's activities, conversations that are about the two of you rather than exclusively about logistics and children, and physical intimacy that is prioritized rather than something that happens when energy is leftover. Children benefit most from parents who model a healthy, connected partnership.Pro tipSchedule recurring partner time with the same non-negotiability you give to your children's activities. If soccer practice is never skipped, date night should not be either.
- Monitor for Slippage IndicatorsDevelop awareness of early warning signs that slippage is occurring. These include increasingly separate social lives, conversations that are purely logistical, declining physical intimacy, growing comfort with parallel but not shared activities, and the feeling that you know everything about your partner. The last indicator is particularly dangerous because it signals you have stopped being curious, which means you have stopped seeing your partner as a separate person who continues to grow and change.
Sexton observes that professional athletes bring a particular dynamic to relationships. Their monastic discipline gives them the ability to focus intensely on one thing, which can be beneficial in marriage. However, the same focus that makes them elite at their sport often means they are accustomed to having their personal needs managed by others, creating dependency patterns in their relationships.
Sexton developed this framework through over two decades of practicing divorce law, witnessing thousands of marriages dissolve. He noticed that the stories were remarkably consistent: couples described a slow fade rather than a dramatic rupture. Partners stopped dating each other, stopped being curious about each other, stopped making effort because the relationship felt secure. But that feeling of security was actually the beginning of slippage. His unique vantage point from the end of relationships gave him insight into the beginning of their decline that couples therapists who see relationships mid-crisis often miss.