Upper Limit Behavior Patterns
Recognize and interrupt the specific self-sabotaging behaviors that activate whenever you exceed your success thermostat
Upper Limit Behaviors are the specific actions and thought patterns people use to bring themselves down when they have exceeded their internal thermostat for positive experience. The most common behaviors are worry, blame and criticism, deflection of positive energy, and illness or injury.
Worry is the most pervasive Upper Limit behavior. It operates by manufacturing doom scenarios about things you have no control over, right after something good happens. The critical test is whether the worry concerns something real you can act on immediately. If not, it is Upper Limit noise.
Blame and criticism work by disrupting the flow of positive energy through finding fault with yourself or others. They are addictive behaviors and the number-one destroyer of intimacy. Self-criticism and criticizing others are two sides of the same Upper Limit pattern.
Deflection involves brushing off compliments, minimizing achievements, or changing the subject when good things are acknowledged. Getting sick or injured right after breakthroughs is the body's way of pulling you back to your thermostat setting.
- Worry is useful only when it concerns something real you can actually do something about right now
- Criticism and blame are addictions that destroy intimacy and positive energy flow
- When you catch yourself Upper-Limiting, something positive is trying to break through
- Self-criticism and criticizing others are the same pattern expressed in different directions
- Upper Limit behaviors always follow good news, positive feelings, or expanded success
- You have the power to drop worry-thoughts just as you would drop a tennis ball from your hand
- 1. Notice the Worry PatternWhen you catch yourself worrying, apply the two-question test: Is it a real possibility? Is there any action I can take right now to make a positive difference? If the answer to either question is no, the worry is an Upper Limit symptom. Notice whether the worry started right after something good happened or you were feeling particularly positive.Pro tipStudy your worry habits carefully for two days. You will likely discover that almost none of your worry-thoughts have anything to do with reality.WarningWorry is addictive. Telling someone their worries are unproductive will usually provoke fierce resistance. Start by observing your own patterns before trying to point out others.
- 2. Transform Worry into Genius SignalsUse this sequence when worry appears: Notice the worry. Let go of the worry-thoughts by dropping them like a tennis ball. Wonder: what positive new thing is trying to come into being? Feel for a body sensation rather than a thought. Open your focus to feel that sensation deeply. Let yourself feel it for as long as you can. Later, an idea of the positive thing trying to emerge will often appear.Pro tipRecurring worry-thoughts about the same topic are a flag waving from your Zone of Genius. Something important is trying to get your attention behind the worry.WarningThe productive thing is to look for the positive new emergence, not to suppress the worry. Suppression creates more tension; curiosity dissolves it.
- 3. Break the Criticism and Blame AddictionRecognize that when you criticize something, it usually has nothing to do with the thing being criticized. Blame and criticism are trance states where you are completely convinced the other person has done wrong. Try stopping all criticism and blame for one full day as an experiment. If you cannot do it, you have confirmed it is an addiction.Pro tipCriticism is useful only when it is directed at something specific and produces a useful result. All other criticism is Upper Limit behavior designed to disrupt positive energy flow.WarningMoney arguments are never about money. Relationship criticism after a period of closeness is almost always an Upper Limit reaction, not a genuine grievance.
- 4. Watch for Deflection and Physical SymptomsNotice when you brush off compliments, minimize your achievements, or change the subject when positive things are acknowledged. Also watch for patterns of getting sick or injured right after breakthroughs or successes. These are your body and mind pulling you back within your thermostat setting.Pro tipPractice receiving compliments and good news fully, letting yourself savor the positive feeling for as long as possible before your mind tries to contract.WarningNot every illness is an Upper Limit symptom, but if you notice a consistent pattern of health problems following successes, the pattern deserves examination.
Hendricks catalogued these behaviors through years of clinical practice and personal experience. He describes himself as a recovering worrywart who spent decades believing his worry was essential to the functioning of the universe, only to discover that 99 percent of it was completely unnecessary and served solely to choke the flow of positive energy.