WHAT Structure for Toasts and Tributes
Why are we here, How connected, Anecdotes, Thank everyone
The WHAT structure is purpose-built for celebratory and commemorative remarks. The acronym stands for Why are we here (establish the occasion), How are you connected (share your relationship), Anecdotes (tell a brief, revealing story), and Thank everyone (close with gratitude).
The framework keeps focus outward on the person or occasion being celebrated. Brevity is key: the best toasts are 2-4 minutes, emotionally resonant, and memorable. They seek common ground with the audience, include a specific anecdote revealing genuine character, and end with gratitude that brings the room together.
- Celebratory remarks are about the honoree, not the speaker.
- A single, well-chosen anecdote is more powerful than a list of accomplishments.
- Brevity is especially critical for toasts; 2-4 minutes is ideal.
- Seeking common ground creates shared emotional experience.
- Ending with gratitude creates a warm, inclusive close.
- Why Are We HereOpen by establishing the occasion and its significance. This orients the audience and creates shared context.Pro tipClarify the purpose even if it seems obvious. It creates collective attention.WarningDon't make the opening about yourself or start with a joke unless you're very confident.
- How Are You ConnectedBriefly share your relationship to the person or event. This establishes your credibility and gives context for why you're speaking.Pro tipIf your connection is unusual or unexpected, lean into it for a more interesting tribute.
- Anecdotes: Share a Revealing StoryTell one or two brief anecdotes that reveal genuine character. The best anecdotes are specific, vivid, and slightly surprising. They should illuminate a quality everyone recognizes but hasn't heard expressed that way.Pro tipChoose anecdotes that show, don't tell. Instead of saying 'Sarah is generous,' tell a story demonstrating her generosity.WarningAvoid embarrassing stories the honoree wouldn't want shared publicly.
- Thank Everyone and CloseEnd with gratitude directed at the honoree and the group. Raise a glass, offer a wish for the future, or express what the person means to everyone. Keep it brief and genuine.Pro tipA forward-looking statement combined with gratitude creates the most emotionally satisfying close.WarningDon't trail off or end abruptly. Practice your closing line.
'We're here to celebrate two people who make each other better [Why]. I've known James since college [How]. I'll never forget when James drove four hours in a snowstorm to help me move. When I asked why, he said, That's what you do for people you care about [Anecdote]. To James and Sarah: here's to a lifetime of driving through snowstorms for each other [Thank].'
'We're here to honor 30 years of dedication [Why]. Margaret was the first person to make me feel like I belonged when I joined five years ago [How]. On my third day, I accidentally deleted a client database. Margaret calmly said, Well, now you'll never forget to make backups [Anecdote]. Margaret, thank you for turning our mistakes into lessons and our team into a family [Thank].'
Abrahams developed WHAT after years of watching and giving improvised toasts and tribute remarks. He noticed that memorable ones consistently covered these four elements while painful ones rambled without structure, focused too much on the speaker, or failed to include a personal anecdote. The structure was tested through his Stanford classes.