Balcony-Bridge-Third Side Negotiation System
Go to the balcony, build a golden bridge, and engage the third side
William Ury's framework distills decades of negotiation experience, from corporate boardrooms to Middle East peace talks, into three essential moves. First, go to the balcony—step back from your reactive emotions and gain perspective before responding. Second, build a golden bridge—make it easy for the other side to say yes by helping them save face, meet their underlying interests, and feel the agreement was their idea. Third, engage the third side—the community around the conflict that has the power to contain destructive conflict and support constructive resolution. Ury illustrates with the parable of 17 camels and a wise woman, showing that the best negotiators find the 18th camel—an outside perspective that reframes the problem so everyone can get what they need.
- The biggest obstacle in negotiation is not the other side—it is your own reaction
- If you cannot control yourself, you cannot influence the other side
- Make it easy to say yes by building a golden bridge the other side can walk across with dignity
- The third side—the surrounding community—is the most powerful force for resolving conflict
- Every difficult negotiation has an 18th camel—a creative reframe that makes agreement possible
- Go to the BalconyWhen provoked or emotionally triggered during a negotiation, mentally step back and gain perspective before responding. The balcony is a metaphor for a place of calm perspective from which you can see the whole situation clearly. This is the foundational move because when you react emotionally, you lose the ability to influence the outcome constructively. Ury's specific technique is to pause, take a breath, and ask yourself what is really happening here rather than responding to the trigger.Pro tipAbraham Lincoln wrote furious letters to generals who angered him, then put them in a drawer and never sent them. The balcony means feeling the emotion fully while choosing not to act on it.WarningGoing to the balcony is not suppressing emotions. It is creating space between stimulus and response where choice lives.
- Build a Golden BridgeMake it easy for the other side to say yes by addressing their underlying interests, helping them save face, and making the agreement feel like their idea. Most negotiators push the other side into a corner and then wonder why they resist. A golden bridge means designing the agreement so the other side can walk toward it with dignity rather than being dragged to it under duress. Ask yourself: what would make it easy for them to say yes?Pro tipFrame proposals in terms of the other side's interests and values, not yours. The same agreement presented differently can change from a humiliating concession to an empowering choice.WarningBuilding a golden bridge is not capitulation. You maintain your own interests while making the path to agreement dignified for both sides.
- Engage the Third SideBring in the surrounding community as a force for constructive conflict resolution. In any conflict, there is not just two sides but a third side—the people around the conflict who are affected by it and have an interest in its resolution. This might be mutual friends in a family dispute, industry colleagues in a business negotiation, or neighboring countries in an international conflict. The third side serves three functions: preventing destructive escalation, resolving the immediate dispute, and containing the conflict so it does not spread.Pro tipBefore a difficult negotiation, map who constitutes the third side and consider how to engage them as allies for constructive resolution rather than as partisans for your position.
Three sons inherit 17 camels to be divided one-half, one-third, and one-ninth. The math does not work and the brothers start fighting. A wise woman lends them her camel, making 18. The first son takes half (9), the second takes a third (6), the youngest takes a ninth (2), totaling 17. They return the extra camel. Ury uses this parable to illustrate that every seemingly impossible negotiation has an 18th camel—a creative reframe or outside contribution that makes agreement possible without anyone losing.
Ury co-authored Getting to Yes with Roger Fisher and has spent 35 years mediating conflicts from family disputes to civil wars. The framework evolved from his realization that the biggest obstacle in negotiation is not the other side but your own reactive behavior. His work mediating between Hugo Chavez and the Venezuelan opposition, and walking the Abraham Path through the Middle East, taught him that the principles of negotiation are universal across cultures and scale from personal disputes to international conflicts.