Carrier Pigeon Kudos
Deliver compliments through third parties for maximum credibility and impact
Carrier Pigeon Kudos is the technique of delivering compliments indirectly — through a mutual acquaintance — rather than directly to the person you wish to praise. When you tell someone directly that they did a great job, they may appreciate it but also apply a discount for flattery, self-interest, or social obligation. When a third party says 'By the way, Sarah told me she thinks your presentation was the best she has ever seen,' the compliment arrives with dramatically more credibility.
The technique leverages the psychology of social proof and the skepticism people naturally apply to direct praise. A compliment delivered by a carrier pigeon feels more honest because the deliverer has no obvious motive to flatter. It also has a multiplier effect: the recipient feels good about the compliment, feels warmly toward both the originator and the deliverer, and the deliverer gets credit for being generous enough to pass it along.
Lowndes also includes the inverse technique — Grapevine Glory — where you say positive things about someone behind their back, knowing it will eventually reach them through the social network. Both approaches exploit the same principle: indirect praise is more believable and more emotionally powerful than direct praise.
- Direct compliments are discounted for potential flattery; indirect compliments are perceived as sincere.
- A compliment delivered by a third party carries the implicit endorsement of two people — the originator and the messenger.
- Saying positive things about people behind their back creates a reputation for generosity that benefits you as much as the person praised.
- The grapevine is always active — you might as well use it to spread positive messages rather than neutral or negative ones.
- Identify the praise and the targetThink of someone whose work, character, or contribution genuinely impressed you. Formulate the specific compliment you want to deliver. Be concrete — 'She is brilliant' is weak; 'Her analysis of the Q3 data completely changed how I think about our pricing strategy' is strong.
- Find the carrier pigeonIdentify a mutual acquaintance who regularly interacts with your target. In casual conversation with this person, naturally mention the positive thing you observed. Frame it conversationally: 'You work with Maria, right? I have to tell you, her presentation last week was one of the best I have ever seen.'
- Let the pigeon flyTrust the social network to do its work. Do not follow up by asking whether the message was delivered, and do not mention to the target that you said something nice. The power of the technique depends on the compliment arriving organically.
Lowndes met a politician named Joe at a party who spent the evening making notes on the backs of business cards — recording personal details about each person he met (favorite wine, hobby mentioned, etc.). Months later, she received a campaign postcard from Joe with a handwritten note referencing her favorite wine. The personal detail, recalled and delivered through a different channel, felt powerfully sincere.
Lowndes observed that the most politically savvy professionals she studied — executives, politicians, and social leaders — were prolific behind-the-back complimenters. They would say glowing things about colleagues to mutual friends, knowing the praise would travel. When the praise arrived through the grapevine, it carried far more weight than a direct compliment ever could. She named the technique after carrier pigeons — the historical method of sending messages through an intermediary.