Relational Speaking Framework
Speak Subjectively
The Relational Speaking Framework emphasizes the importance of speaking subjectively in relationships, focusing on personal feelings and experiences rather than making objective claims. This approach helps to avoid 'objectivity battles' and promotes a more humble and relational communication style.
- Speak subjectively, focusing on personal feelings and experiences.
- Avoid making objective claims or engaging in 'objectivity battles'.
- Prioritize humility and relationality in communication.
- Start with a Positive AssumptionBegin conversations by acknowledging the other person's positive intentions or feelings, such as 'I know you love me'.Pro tipThis helps to set a positive tone and creates a safe space for open communication.WarningAvoid making assumptions that may not be accurate, as this can lead to defensiveness.
- Express Yourself SubjectivelyUse 'I' statements to express your thoughts and feelings, rather than making objective claims. For example, 'I feel nervous when you drive fast' instead of 'You're a reckless driver'.Pro tipThis helps to avoid blame and defensiveness, and promotes a more empathetic and relational conversation.WarningBe aware of your tone and language, as subjective speaking can still be perceived as accusatory if not done carefully.
- Focus on the Present MomentEmphasize the current situation and your immediate feelings, rather than bringing up past grievances or making general statements.Pro tipThis helps to keep the conversation focused and relevant, and prevents unnecessary escalation.WarningAvoid getting sidetracked by unrelated issues or past conflicts.
- Use Relational LanguageEmphasize your connection with the other person, using phrases like 'we're a team' or 'I care about you'.Pro tipThis helps to reinforce the importance of the relationship and promotes a sense of unity and cooperation.WarningAvoid using relational language insincerely, as this can come across as manipulative or insincere.
A woman expresses her concerns about her partner's driving habits, using subjective language and focusing on her own feelings. The partner responds by slowing down and driving more conservatively, avoiding a potential conflict.
A couple practices using relational speaking in their daily conversations, focusing on subjective language and empathy. Over time, they notice an improvement in their communication and a reduction in conflict.
The framework is rooted in the idea that traditional communication styles often lead to conflict and stagnation in relationships. By adopting a subjective speaking approach, individuals can create a more collaborative and empathetic environment, leading to deeper connections and more effective conflict resolution.