Rumbling with Vulnerability
Leaning into discomfort rather than walking away from it as the foundational skill of courageous leadership
Rumbling with vulnerability is the practice of leaning into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure rather than retreating into self-protective armor. Brown defines a rumble as having a real conversation even when it is tough, approaching it with curiosity, generosity, and a willingness to listen and stay engaged.
The framework rests on a foundational finding from Brown's research: there is no courage without vulnerability. Every research participant who described a courageous act also described vulnerability. This means vulnerability is not weakness but the birthplace of innovation, creativity, trust, and accountability.
Rumbling with vulnerability involves creating safe containers for difficult conversations, using specific tools like the Square Squad, the phrase 'say more,' and permission slips, and developing the capacity to sit with discomfort rather than offloading emotions onto others. The practice also requires distinguishing between genuine vulnerability and fake vulnerability, which is performative openness without real risk.
Brown emphasizes that vulnerability is not about disclosure volume but about the willingness to show up when you cannot control the outcome. The most daring leaders she studied had exceptional rumbling skills yet sometimes disclosed very little. The key is engaging authentically with emotional exposure, not oversharing as a manipulation strategy.
- Courage and fear are not mutually exclusive — you can feel both at the same time
- There is no courage without vulnerability; the weakness myth crumbles under the weight of the data
- Vulnerability is not about disclosure volume but about the willingness to show up when you cannot control the outcome
- Fake vulnerability breeds distrust faster than anything else
- Clear is kind; unclear is unkind
- Stay curious longer and rush to action more slowly
- Create a safe container before asking people to be vulnerable
- 1. Build Your Square SquadIdentify a small number of people (who fit on a one-inch-by-one-inch square of paper) whose opinions of you truly matter. These are not yes-people but individuals who respect you enough to give hard feedback and dust you off when you fall. Getting clear on whose opinions matter prevents you from either being paralyzed by everyone's criticism or becoming too armored to connect.Pro tipThe people on your list should be those who love you not despite your imperfections but because of your humanity. They will tell you when you are out of integrity and support you through the cleanup.WarningIf your list is too large, you are managing perception rather than building courage. If it is empty, you have armored up too much.
- 2. Create a Safe ContainerBefore any difficult conversation, ask the team to write down one thing they need from the group to feel safe sharing and one thing that will get in the way. This simple practice builds trust, improves feedback quality, and signals that psychological safety is a priority. It is one of the easiest practices to implement with the highest return on investment.Pro tipThis is especially powerful during times of organizational churn or change when anxiety is high and people default to self-protection.WarningDo not skip this step and jump straight into the hard topic. Without a container, people will armor up and the rumble will fail.
- 3. Use Rumble Starters and ToolsDeploy specific conversational tools to keep the rumble productive. Use 'say more' to invite deeper sharing and context. Use 'the story I'm telling myself' to surface assumptions without blame. Use 'help me understand' to stay curious. Use 'walk me through that' to unpack complex situations. These tools keep conversations grounded in curiosity rather than defensiveness.Pro tipAsking someone to 'say more' often leads to profoundly deeper and more productive rumbling. Context and details matter — peel the onion.WarningDo not use these phrases mechanically. They must come from genuine curiosity, or they become manipulative and breed distrust.
- 4. Name the UnsaidDaring leaders name the emotions and dynamics that everyone senses but nobody is saying aloud. This means acknowledging uncertainty, naming fear, and calling out the elephant in the room. By naming what is unsaid, you give people permission to stop performing and start engaging authentically.Pro tipA leader does not need to have all the answers. Saying 'I don't know yet, and here's what I do know' is a powerful act of vulnerability that builds rather than erodes trust.WarningThere is a difference between naming the unsaid and oversharing. The goal is not to hotwire connection through inappropriate disclosure but to create space for honest dialogue.
- 5. Stay in the DiscomfortResist the urge to resolve tension prematurely, offer quick fixes, or shut down emotional conversations. The rumble requires staying engaged with discomfort rather than rushing to comfort. Trust that the process will yield better outcomes than avoidance, even though it feels harder in the moment.Pro tipWhen you notice yourself wanting to say 'okay, I get it, I'll work on it' just to end the conversation, that is a shutdown technique. Take a deep breath and lean into curiosity instead.WarningShutting down prematurely may feel like resolution but it prevents the real issues from surfacing and erodes trust over time.
A leader addressing their team during organizational restructuring names the unsaid emotions ('I know there is fear and uncertainty right now'), asks the team to write down what they need to feel safe sharing, and creates structured time for questions and SFD-checking rather than pretending everything is fine.
A team uses 'we need to rumble with you on a growing concern' to open a difficult conversation about their leader's micromanagement. The leader uses 'say more' and 'tell me more about how this plays out for you' rather than shutting down with a quick 'okay, I'll fix it.'
Brené Brown developed this framework through twenty years of research on vulnerability, shame, and courage, including interviews with hundreds of leaders across diverse fields from fighter pilots and CIA agents to CEOs and clergy. She found that not one person could give an example of courage that did not also involve vulnerability. The insight crystallized further through her organizational consulting work, where she observed that teams and cultures willing to rumble with vulnerability consistently outperformed those that rewarded emotional armor.