The Openness Practice
Choose expansion over constriction as your default response to difficulty
Sharon Salzberg, one of the most influential meditation teachers in the West, presents a practical framework for choosing openness over constriction as a default response to life's difficulties. Constriction is the natural human tendency to narrow, tighten, and close down when facing difficulty — we grip tighter to our stories about who we are, what happened, and why it is unfair. Openness is the deliberate practice of expanding awareness beyond the immediate difficulty to include the full picture of reality. Salzberg teaches that most of our suffering comes not from events themselves but from the stories we tell ourselves about those events — and crucially, we do not have to believe every story our mind generates. The practice involves noticing when you have constricted around a narrative, gently questioning whether that story is the complete truth, and consciously choosing to open to a broader perspective. This is not positive thinking or denial — it is the recognition that our first interpretation of events is almost always incomplete and often actively harmful. Self-compassion is the essential fuel for this practice because without it, noticing your own patterns becomes just another form of self-criticism.
- Most suffering comes from the stories we tell ourselves about events, not the events themselves
- You do not have to believe every thought your mind produces
- Constriction is the default response to difficulty; openness is a practice that must be cultivated
- Self-compassion is not indulgence — it is the foundation for genuine growth
- The most powerful tools (like self-compassion) often seem stupid or weak at first
- Notice the ConstrictionThe first step is developing the awareness to catch yourself in moments of constriction — when your body tightens, your mind narrows to a single negative interpretation, and you begin cycling through a familiar story of grievance or inadequacy. Common physical signals include tightness in the chest, jaw clenching, shallow breathing, and a tunnel-vision focus on the problem. The goal is not to immediately fix the constriction but simply to notice it — awareness itself begins to loosen the grip.Pro tipSalzberg suggests using the phrase 'Oh, this is constriction' as a simple labeling practice that creates distance from the experience
- Question the StoryOnce you notice constriction, examine the story your mind is telling. Is this the only interpretation? Is this the complete truth? Am I confusing a feeling with a fact? Most stories our mind generates in moments of difficulty are partial truths amplified by emotion and habitual patterns. You do not need to replace the story with a positive one — simply recognizing that it is a story rather than reality creates space for a more accurate and less painful response.Pro tipSalzberg recommends asking: 'Is this story serving me?' rather than 'Is this story true?' — even true stories can be unhelpfully fixated uponWarningThis is not about denying real problems or toxic positivity — it is about seeing the full picture rather than only the narrow story of suffering
- Practice Self-Compassion as FuelSustaining the openness practice requires self-compassion — the ability to meet your own struggles with kindness rather than judgment. Salzberg teaches a specific loving-kindness meditation practice where you direct phrases of goodwill toward yourself: 'May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease.' This practice builds the emotional resource needed to stay open when constriction arises. Without self-compassion, the practice of noticing your patterns becomes another form of self-criticism that actually deepens constriction.Pro tipIf self-compassion feels too difficult, start by directing loving-kindness toward someone you naturally care about, then gradually include yourself
Salzberg experienced significant childhood trauma — her mother died when she was nine, her father was largely absent, and she was raised by grandparents. She initially approached meditation as a way to fix herself, treating it as another achievement project. The breakthrough came when she realized that self-compassion was not a reward for successful meditation but the prerequisite for any genuine practice. This shift from striving to acceptance transformed her approach and eventually her life, leading her to teach millions of people worldwide.
Salzberg was part of the 'JuBus' — young Jewish Americans who traveled to India and Asia in the 1960s and 70s to study Buddhism. She co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, and has spent over 50 years making meditation accessible to Western practitioners. Her emphasis on self-compassion and practical application — rather than esoteric spiritual attainment — has made her teachings particularly resonant for skeptics and busy professionals who resist traditional spiritual frameworks.