The Sympathetic Joy Practice
Overcome envy and self-absorption by cultivating genuine happiness for others
Hari's friend Rachel discovered that much of her depression was driven by chronic envy and self-absorption. Every success others achieved felt like a personal diminishment. Social media amplified this into a constant stream of perceived inadequacy. She realized that her attempts to cope, such as finding reasons why successful people actually had terrible lives, only deepened the toxic pattern.
Through loving-kindness meditation, Rachel learned to cultivate what Buddhists call mudita, or sympathetic joy: the practice of genuinely feeling happy about others' happiness. This is the direct antidote to envy. By deliberately wishing well to others, starting with people she loved and gradually extending to strangers and even people she envied, Rachel rewired her default emotional response from comparison and resentment to connection and shared joy.
Hari connects this to broader research on meditation and even psychedelic-assisted therapy at Johns Hopkins, where participants experienced a dissolution of ego boundaries and a lasting sense of connection to others. The common thread is that depression often involves being trapped inside a narrow, self-referential mental loop, and practices that expand awareness beyond the self provide lasting relief.
- Envy and self-absorption are major but under-recognized drivers of depression
- Sympathetic joy, genuinely celebrating others' happiness, is the direct antidote to envy
- Depression often involves being trapped in a narrow loop of self-referential thinking
- Practices that expand awareness beyond the self, whether meditation, service, or psychedelics, reduce depression
- The shift from comparison to connection must be practiced deliberately and repeatedly
- Recognize the Envy PatternHonestly assess how much of your daily emotional experience is shaped by comparison with others. Notice the pattern Rachel identified: another person's success triggering a sense of personal diminishment, followed by attempts to mentally tear them down, followed by self-loathing for being so petty. Awareness of this cycle is the prerequisite for changing it.
- Begin Loving-Kindness MeditationStart with a simple daily practice of silently wishing happiness, health, safety, and ease to yourself, then to someone you love, then to a neutral person, then to someone who triggers envy. The phrases might be: 'May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.' Even if it feels hollow at first, neurological changes begin with the practice.
- Practice Sympathetic Joy ActivelyWhen you learn of someone's good fortune, instead of immediately comparing it to your own situation, practice a deliberate moment of genuine happiness for them. Rachel found that with practice, this shifted from forced to natural, fundamentally changing her relationship with others' success.
- Expand Beyond the SelfLook for opportunities to contribute to others' wellbeing through volunteering, mentoring, or simply being more present with friends. The goal is to build a habit of outward attention that counteracts the inward spiral of depressive self-focus. As Rachel discovered, when you stop obsessing about yourself, the depression loses much of its fuel.
Rachel had spent years consumed by envy that made every interaction a covert competition. A relative's career success felt like a personal attack. Social media was unbearable. After antidepressants failed, she began practicing loving-kindness meditation daily, deliberately wishing happiness for the people who triggered her envy. She combined this with reducing social media exposure and seeking opportunities for genuine service.
Hari's friend Rachel Shubert was chronically envious and depressed. After antidepressants failed, she discovered loving-kindness meditation and the Buddhist concept of sympathetic joy. She practiced deliberately wishing happiness for others, starting with loved ones and expanding outward. This was reinforced by Roland Griffiths' research at Johns Hopkins showing that psychedelic experiences producing ego dissolution led to lasting reductions in depression.