Tonglen Compassion Breathing
Breathe in suffering, breathe out care - transform your heart
Tonglen is a Tibetan Buddhist practice meaning 'taking in and sending out.' Linked to the natural rhythm of breathing, it trains you to open directly to suffering - your own and that of all beings - and offer relief and care. On the in-breath, you take in the raw reality of pain, letting it fully enter your body and heart. On the out-breath, you release that suffering into spacious awareness and send out compassion, care, and prayer.
The practice begins with your own suffering or that of someone close to you, and then systematically expands to include all beings who experience the same kind of pain. This expansion is crucial - it moves you from the isolation of personal suffering to the recognition that your pain is shared by millions. This shift from 'my pain' to 'our pain' fundamentally changes the experience of suffering.
Tonglen transforms the heart into what Brach calls 'a transformer of sorrows.' Rather than avoiding or being crushed by suffering, you develop the capacity to hold it with tenderness, letting it pass through you and emerge as compassion.
- Compassion for yourself naturally leads to compassion for others - they are not separate
- Our actual experience of pain is the same across all humans, even when stories differ
- Breathing in suffering does not increase it - meeting it with presence transforms it
- Suffering becomes the trusted gateway to awakening the heart when held with acceptance
- The compassionate heart has no edges - it can expand endlessly to hold all suffering
- Open to Awakened HeartBegin with a flash of remembrance of the awakened heart and mind. With eyes briefly open, sense the immensity of space and the natural openness of awareness. This sets the ground of spaciousness from which the practice flows.
- Breathe In Your Own SufferingBring to mind a specific experience of suffering - your own or that of someone close to you. Let it be vivid and real. As you breathe in, allow this pain to come fully into your body and heart. Feel the loss, hurt, or fear as if it were your own. Open to the intensity of sensations.Pro tipIf you do not feel connected to the suffering at first, spend extra time with the in-breath, paying special attention to body sensations, until you can feel it directly.WarningIf you have been abused, are depressed, or feel emotionally imbalanced, tonglen may cause flooding. Seek guidance from a therapist or experienced teacher first.
- Breathe Out Relief and CareAs you breathe out, release the pain into the openness of awareness. Let it be ventilated in spacious presence. With the exhale, offer whatever prayer or expression of care comes naturally: 'May you be free of suffering,' 'I care about this pain,' 'May you be peaceful.'
- Expand to All BeingsNow bring to mind all other beings who experience this same kind of suffering. Millions of people right now feel the same insecurity, grief, or hurt. Sense the realness of this shared suffering. Begin breathing in on behalf of all who suffer this way, and breathing out compassion for all of them.Pro tipThis expansion from personal to universal is what transforms isolated suffering into shared compassion. It is the most important step in the practice.
- Rest as the Transformer of SorrowsContinue breathing in suffering and breathing out care. As your heart opens to the enormity of suffering, you become that openness. Your awareness becomes suffused with compassion. Sense your heart as a transformer - sorrows enter and compassion flows out. Rest in this boundless caring.
Kim started the compassion meditation focused on her own aching chest and constricted throat after humiliating herself at work. She offered herself care, then expanded to her mother and brother who had felt similar shame. She then imagined acquaintances, recognizing that the same fear of unworthiness might live behind their aloofness or busyness. Finally, she brought to mind the coworker she had hurt, saw his habitual worry and self-deprecation, and felt a surge of remorse and tenderness.
A minister fearful of leaving her six-year-old daughter when traveling after September 11 found refuge by imagining all other mothers around the world who cherish their children and fear for their lives. By breathing in their shared fear and breathing out compassion, her personal terror transformed.
Tonglen is an ancient Tibetan Buddhist practice that Brach integrates into her therapeutic and teaching work. She presents a modified version accessible to Western practitioners, grounded in the insight that compassion for ourselves naturally leads to compassion for others.
The practice is contextualized within the bodhisattva's aspiration: 'May all circumstances serve to awaken compassion' and 'May my life be of benefit to all beings.' Brach illustrates its power through the widening circles of compassion meditation she guided Kim through - beginning with self-compassion for personal shame, expanding to family, acquaintances, the specific person she hurt, and finally all beings everywhere.