Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Communicate with compassion

Empathy Compassion Conflict Resolution

Problem it solves

poor communication

Best for

Individuals seeking to improve their relationships and communication skills

Not ideal for

Those who are not willing to actively listen and empathize with others

Overview

Why this framework exists

Nonviolent Communication is a process of communication that focuses on compassion, empathy, and honesty. It is based on the idea that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and that violence is a result of unmet needs. The process involves observing, feeling, needing, and requesting, and is designed to help individuals communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner.

Core principles

4 total

Observe without judgment
Express feelings honestly
Identify and articulate needs
Make specific requests

Steps

4 steps

Observe
Observe what is actually happening in a situation, without introducing judgment or evaluation.
Pro tipFocus on the concrete actions that affect our well-being
WarningAvoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions
Feel
State how you feel when you observe the action, using 'I' statements to express emotions.
Pro tipBe honest and authentic in your expression of feelings
WarningAvoid blaming or attacking others
Need
Identify and articulate the needs that are connected to the feelings you have identified.
Pro tipFocus on the underlying needs and values that are driving your feelings
WarningAvoid making demands or expectations of others
Request
Make a specific request that would enrich your life, using positive language and focusing on the present moment.
Pro tipBe clear and direct in your request, avoiding ambiguity or vagueness
WarningAvoid making threats or ultimatums

Examples

1 cases

Mother and teenage son

A mother uses NVC to express her feelings and needs to her teenage son, who is leaving his socks on the floor. She observes the action, states her feelings, identifies her needs, and makes a specific request.

OutcomeThe son is more likely to understand and respond to his mother's needs, leading to a more harmonious and respectful relationship

Common mistakes

3 traps

Judging or evaluating others

Focusing on judgment or evaluation can lead to defensiveness and hinder effective communication

Not listening empathically

Failing to listen actively and empathically can lead to misunderstandings and conflict

Making demands or expectations

Making demands or expectations can lead to resistance and hinder effective communication

Origin story

How this framework came to be

The author, Marshall B. Rosenberg, developed NVC as a result of his research on the components of a helping relationship and his desire to find a more effective way of practicing psychology. He was influenced by the work of Professor Carl Rogers and others, and drew on his own experiences and observations to create the NVC process.