The Coaching Habit Loop
Replace advice-giving with question-asking using a trigger-based habit formula
The Coaching Habit Loop is a behavior change framework built on the New Habit Formula: When This Happens (trigger), Instead Of (old habit), I Will (new micro-habit). It draws on the latest research in neuroscience and behavioral economics to replace the automatic advice-giving response with question-asking.
The framework has five essential components for building an effective new habit: a reason (a vow connected to serving others), a trigger (the specific moment you are at a crossroads), a micro-habit (a new behavior that takes less than sixty seconds), effective practice (small chunks, repetition, and celebrating success), and a plan for getting back on track when you stumble.
The key insight is that if you do not know what triggers the old behavior, you will never change it because you will already be doing it before you know it. The more specific you can define your trigger using Charles Duhigg's five types (location, time, emotional state, other people, and immediately preceding action), the more effective the habit change. Each of the Seven Essential Questions fits the sixty-second micro-habit requirement, making them ideal building blocks for a coaching habit.
- Simple does not mean easy: changing behavior takes courage and resilience
- At least 45 percent of waking behavior is habitual and driven by the unconscious mind
- The starting place for a new habit is not the new behavior but the trigger for the old one
- A micro-habit must take less than sixty seconds to complete
- Connect your reason for change to serving others, not just benefiting yourself
- Practice in small chunks with repetition and celebrate when it goes well
- Build a resilient system with fail-safes for when you stumble
- Start somewhere easy, start small, buddy up, and get back on the horse
- Make a VowGet clear on why you want to change by connecting the new habit to serving someone you care about. Research shows that spending too much time imagining the outcome makes you less motivated to do the work. Frame your reason as a commitment to others rather than a benefit to yourself.Pro tipLeo Babauta gave up smoking as a commitment to his wife and newborn daughter. Think about who on your team will benefit from your coaching more and advising less.WarningDo not just imagine success. People who visualize the outcome too vividly are less likely to put in the effort to achieve it.
- Identify Your TriggerDefine the specific moment when you are at a crossroads between the old behavior and the new one. Use Charles Duhigg's five trigger types: location, time, emotional state, other people, and immediately preceding action. The more specific the trigger, the more effective the habit change.Pro tipTransform a vague trigger like 'At the team meeting' into 'When Jenny asks me for feedback on her idea in the team meeting' for maximum specificity.WarningIf you do not know your trigger, you will already be doing the old behavior before you realize you had a choice.
- Name the Old HabitArticulate specifically what you want to stop doing. This makes the automatic behavior visible so you can interrupt it. For coaching, the old habit is typically some form of advice-giving, solution-providing, or taking over.Pro tipBe brutally specific: 'I ask Bob a pseudo-question hoping he'll get my disguised suggestion, while thinking bad thoughts about Bob.'WarningVague descriptions of old habits will not give you enough traction to change them.
- Define the New Micro-HabitChoose one of the Seven Essential Questions as your new sixty-second behavior. Keep it short and specific. The Double-S guideline (Short and Specific) ensures your new habit is concrete enough to actually do in the moment.Pro tipEach of the Seven Essential Questions can be asked in under sixty seconds, making them perfect micro-habits.WarningIf the new habit is abstract or takes too long, your brain will find a way to hack your good intentions.
- Practice Deeply and Plan for RecoveryUse Dan Coyle's three components of Deep Practice: practice small chunks, repeat extensively, and celebrate when it goes well. Also plan what to do when you stumble, because you will. Make your habit a resilient system with obvious recovery steps.Pro tipA small fist pump when it goes well is sufficient celebration. You do not need champagne.WarningDo not give up after the first failure. The habit will slip, and that is expected. Have a plan to get back on track.
Trigger: 'When I'm feeling frustrated in my weekly meeting with Bob because he says he hasn't thought about it.' Instead of: 'Asking Bob a pseudo-question with my disguised suggestion.' I will: 'Ask Bob, So what ideas do you have now?'
Trigger: 'When I get an email that triggers the Advice Monster.' Instead of: 'Writing out a long answer full of possible solutions.' I will: 'Ask one of the seven questions by email, such as What's the real challenge here for you?'
Trigger: 'Someone asks How do I...? or What should I do about...?' Instead of: 'Giving the answer immediately.' I will: 'Say That's a great question. I've got some ideas, but before I share them, what are your first thoughts?' Then follow with 'And what else could you do?'
The New Habit Formula was developed by Box of Crayons through their coaching skills workshops, where they found that broad action lists from training sessions rarely led to actual behavior change. Drawing on insights from Charles Duhigg's work on habit loops, B.J. Fogg's Tiny Habits research, Dan Coyle's Deep Practice concept, and Leo Babauta's vow-making approach, they created a simple three-part formula that could be applied to each of the Seven Essential Questions. The formula was refined through testing with thousands of managers in real-world conditions.