The "That's Right" Breakthrough
Use summaries to trigger the two most powerful words in negotiation and create genuine buy-in.
The 'That's Right' Breakthrough is the technique of using summaries, a combination of paraphrasing and labeling, to get your counterpart to say 'That's right.' These two words represent a genuine moment of recognition where your counterpart acknowledges that you truly understand their position. It is a stealth victory: they feel understood, and from that moment, real behavioral change becomes possible.
Critically, 'That's right' is profoundly different from 'You're right.' When someone says 'You're right,' they are trying to get you to stop talking. It is a dismissal disguised as agreement. When they say 'That's right,' they are embracing what you have said as their own insight. It is a subtle epiphany.
The technique is built on the FBI's Behavioral Change Stairway Model and psychologist Carl Rogers's concept of unconditional positive regard. The summary that triggers 'That's right' combines two elements: paraphrasing (repeating the meaning of what was said in your own words) and labeling (acknowledging the emotions underlying what was said). Together, these create a powerful recognition moment.
- 'That's right' signals genuine understanding and creates breakthroughs
- 'You're right' is a dismissal; people say it to make you go away
- A summary = paraphrasing + labeling (meaning + emotions)
- The goal is to articulate 'the world according to' your counterpart so completely they can only respond with 'That's right'
- Unconditional positive regard opens the door to real behavioral change
- People will implement solutions they feel they own
- Listen Deeply Using All Active Listening ToolsUse effective pauses, minimal encouragers ('Yes,' 'Uh-huh,' 'I see'), mirroring, and labeling to fully draw out your counterpart's perspective. Let them talk until they have exhausted their version of events.Pro tipThink of this phase as draining a swamp. Let all the emotion and content flow out before you attempt a summary.
- Identify Both the Meaning and the EmotionAs you listen, track two dimensions: the factual content of what they are saying (their story, their logic, their demands) and the emotions underlying that content (fear, pride, frustration, hope). Both are essential for a complete summary.Pro tipTake notes during the conversation. It is easy to lose track of emotional nuances when you are focused on content.
- Construct a SummaryCombine paraphrasing (restating the meaning in your own words) with labeling (acknowledging the emotions). The summary should reflect 'the world according to' your counterpart so completely that the only possible response is 'That's right.'Pro tipUse their language and their frames. Do not correct their perspective or inject your own viewpoint. This is about reflecting their reality, not yours.
- Deliver the SummaryPresent your summary calmly and confidently. Do not rush. Let each element land. After the summary, go silent and wait for their response.WarningIf you get 'You're right' instead of 'That's right,' you have failed. 'You're right' means they want you to stop talking. Go back to listening and try again.
- Leverage the BreakthroughOnce you hear 'That's right,' the barrier is down. Your counterpart now feels understood and is open to influence. This is the moment to introduce your proposals, reframe the negotiation, or move toward a deal.Pro tipDo not rush to exploit the moment. Let it breathe. The trust you have built is fragile. Move gently toward your objective.
After months of deadlock, negotiator Benjie summarized Abu Sabaya's entire worldview: five hundred years of Muslim oppression, fishing rights violations, war damages. He used Sabaya's own words and acknowledged the emotions behind them. After nearly a minute of silence, Sabaya said 'That's right.'
A sales rep was failing to sell her new product to a resistant doctor. Instead of pitching, she summarized his passion for his patients and his frustration with inadequate treatments. The doctor looked at her 'as if he were seeing her for the first time' and said 'That's right.'
The technique was crystallized during the kidnapping of Jeffrey Schilling by Abu Sayyaf terrorists in the Philippines. For months, rebel leader Abu Sabaya refused to budge from a $10 million 'war damages' demand. Voss instructed Filipino military negotiator Benjie to use a summary combining all active listening tools: effective pauses, minimal encouragers, mirroring, labeling, and paraphrasing. Benjie summarized Sabaya's entire worldview - five hundred years of oppression, fishing rights, war damages. After nearly a minute of silence, Sabaya said 'That's right.' The war damages demand disappeared completely, and Sabaya never asked for money again. Schilling later escaped and was rescued by Philippine commandos.