Be Your Own Process Referee Framework
Manage conversations effectively
This framework involves actively managing conversations to ensure effective communication and feedback exchange. It requires individuals to be aware of their own emotions and thoughts, as well as those of the other person, and to make explicit process interventions to correct course when necessary.
- Be aware of your own emotions and thoughts in the conversation
- Make explicit process interventions to correct course when necessary
- Use active listening to understand the other person's perspective
- Diagnose the conversationIdentify where the conversation is getting stuck and how to move it forward. This requires being aware of your own emotions and thoughts, as well as those of the other person.Pro tipUse 'I' statements to express your thoughts and feelings, rather than 'you' statements that can come across as accusatory.WarningAvoid being too confrontational or aggressive in your diagnosis, as this can escalate the situation.
- Describe the issueClearly articulate the problem or issue that needs to be addressed. This helps to ensure that both parties are on the same page and understand what needs to be resolved.Pro tipUse specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the issue, rather than relying on general statements or assumptions.WarningAvoid being too vague or general in your description, as this can lead to confusion or miscommunication.
- Propose a solutionOffer a potential solution or next step to address the issue. This can involve suggesting a compromise, seeking additional information, or proposing a new approach.Pro tipBe open to feedback and willing to adjust your proposal based on the other person's input or concerns.WarningAvoid being too rigid or inflexible in your proposal, as this can limit the potential for finding a mutually beneficial solution.
An employee receives feedback from their manager that they need to improve their communication skills. The employee uses the Be Your Own Process Referee Framework to diagnose the conversation, describe the issue, and propose a solution. They suggest seeking additional training or coaching to improve their communication skills, and the manager agrees to support this effort.
The authors developed this framework through their experience teaching communication workshops and observing individuals who were skilled at communicating effectively.