COMMUNICATIONWeeks to result

The Assert What's Left Out Framework

Shift from 'I'm Right' to 'Here's What's Left Out'

Problem it solves

poor communication

Best for

Individuals who struggle with receiving feedback and want to improve their communication skills

Not ideal for

Those who are not open to feedback or are resistant to change

Overview

Why this framework exists

This framework helps individuals shift their focus from being 'right' to understanding what's left out of the conversation. It provides a structured approach to asserting what's missing and creating a more constructive dialogue.

Core principles

3 total
  1. Shift from 'I'm Right' to 'Here's What's Left Out'
  2. Listen for what's right and why they see it differently
  3. Assert what's left out in a non-confrontational manner

Steps

3 steps
  1. Prepare to Listen
    Prepare yourself to listen actively and empathetically to the other person's perspective.
    Pro tipTake a few deep breaths and try to clear your mind before the conversation.
    WarningAvoid getting defensive or dismissive, as this can derail the conversation.
  2. Find the Trigger Patterns
    Identify the trigger patterns that may be causing you to become defensive or dismissive.
    Pro tipReflect on your past experiences and identify common triggers.
    WarningBe aware of your emotions and take a step back if you feel yourself becoming triggered.
  3. Assert What's Left Out
    Assert what's left out of the conversation in a non-confrontational manner.
    Pro tipUse 'I' statements to express your thoughts and feelings.
    WarningAvoid blaming or attacking the other person, as this can escalate the situation.

Checklist

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Examples

2 cases
Example 1

John received feedback from his manager that he needed to improve his communication skills. Instead of becoming defensive, John used the Assert What's Left Out Framework to understand what was missing from the conversation and asserted his own perspective in a non-confrontational manner.

OutcomeThe conversation was constructive, and John was able to improve his communication skills.
Example 2

Sarah received feedback from her colleague that she needed to be more assertive in meetings. Sarah used the framework to understand what was left out of the conversation and asserted her own perspective, leading to a more constructive and respectful dialogue.

OutcomeThe conversation was productive, and Sarah was able to improve her assertiveness in meetings.

Common mistakes

3 traps
Becoming Defensive
Becoming defensive or dismissive can derail the conversation and prevent constructive feedback.
Failing to Listen
Failing to listen actively and empathetically can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Asserting Aggressively
Asserting what's left out in an aggressive or confrontational manner can escalate the situation and prevent constructive feedback.

Origin story

How this framework came to be

The authors developed this framework based on their research and experience in communication and feedback. They recognized the importance of creating a safe and constructive environment for feedback conversations.

Source

Traced to primary
Source · BOOK
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
Douglas Stone · 2014
Open source →