The Three Feedback Triggers

Understanding triggers

Feedback Triggers Communication

Problem it solves

poor communication

Best for

Individuals looking to improve their communication skills and learn from feedback

Not ideal for

Those who are not open to feedback or self-reflection

Overview

Why this framework exists

The Three Feedback Triggers framework helps individuals understand and manage their reactions to feedback. It identifies three types of triggers: Truth Triggers, Relationship Triggers, and Identity Triggers, each set off by different reasons and provoking different reactions. By understanding and sorting out these triggers, individuals can engage in feedback conversations with skill and learn from the feedback they receive.

Core principles

3 total

Understanding triggers is key to effective feedback conversations
There are only three types of triggers: Truth Triggers, Relationship Triggers, and Identity Triggers
Each trigger provokes a different set of reactions and responses

Steps

3 steps

Identify the Trigger
Recognize which type of trigger is being set off by the feedback. Is it a Truth Trigger, Relationship Trigger, or Identity Trigger?
Pro tipTake a step back and assess the situation before reacting
WarningFailing to identify the trigger can lead to mismanaged reactions and ineffective conversations
Understand the Trigger
Once the trigger is identified, understand why it is being set off. What is the root cause of the reaction?
Pro tipReflect on past experiences and relationships to understand the trigger
WarningIgnoring the trigger can lead to continued mismanaged reactions
Manage the Reaction
Develop strategies to manage the reaction and engage in effective conversations. This may involve taking a step back, reflecting on the feedback, and responding thoughtfully
Pro tipPractice active listening and ask clarifying questions to ensure understanding
WarningFailing to manage the reaction can lead to defensiveness and ineffective conversations

Examples

2 cases

Truth Trigger Example

Miriam experiences a truth trigger when her husband tells her she was 'unfriendly and aloof' at his nephew's bar mitzvah. She feels indignant and wronged, but by understanding the trigger, she can manage her reaction and engage in an effective conversation

OutcomeMiriam is able to have a thoughtful conversation with her husband and understand his perspective

Relationship Trigger Example

Tom experiences a relationship trigger when his boss gives him a dressing-down about his 'organizational skills'. He feels frustrated and defensive, but by understanding the trigger, he can manage his reaction and engage in an effective conversation

OutcomeTom is able to have a productive conversation with his boss and improve his organizational skills

Common mistakes

3 traps

Ignoring the Trigger

Failing to identify and understand the trigger can lead to mismanaged reactions and ineffective conversations

Overreacting

Allowing the trigger to dictate the reaction can lead to defensiveness and ineffective conversations

Not Managing the Reaction

Failing to develop strategies to manage the reaction can lead to continued mismanaged reactions

Origin story

How this framework came to be

The framework is based on the idea that feedback can be challenging to receive, but by understanding the triggers that block feedback, individuals can learn to manage their reactions and engage in effective conversations. The author, Douglas Stone, developed this framework through his research and experience in communication and feedback.